Me and the c*ke vending machine.

I still remember the time when one bottle of c*ke was only 70
Pfennig. I used to occasionally get a bottle from the
machine downstairs at where I work. It's been all nicely
rhythmic: Inserting a 1 Mark coin, the tumbling noise, a
shock at landing nearly breaking the bottle , the contents
nicely stirred up, the phyttt noise when opening the bottle,
the clatter of the lid falling to somewhere inside the
machine, and then, after nearly having left the site
(because I tend to be in pensive mood), the joyful, stirring
RATTLE, RATTLE, RATTLE of three coins (10 Pfennig each) of
change: This machine does not only sell you c*ke, it also
grants you change.

For a change, the price of one bottle increased by 10
Pfennig (had to, they say), then another 10 Pfennig. This
lead to a definitely less rhythmic and hence less joyful
single RATTLE only, instead of the RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE I
had grown accustomed to.

But not only that: Also, the machine did not accept 50
Pfennig coins any longer. Seemed to be fraudulent coins
(which may be, as the reverse of that coin shows a German
"Frau", actually one of the most beautiful coins in that
country). At the same time, in order to be customer friendly
(which is a must these days, no matter the use of it), they
admitted the use of 5 Pfennig coins. And here the trouble
began.

Because, starting the procedure as above, with all that
rhythm, Inserting a 1 Mark coin, the tumbling noise, a shock
at landing nearly breaking the bottle , the contents nicely
stirred up, the phyttt noise when opening the bottle, the
clatter of the lid falling to somewhere inside the machine,
and then, after nearly having left the site (because I keep
being in pensive mood), the less joyful RATTLE of one coin
of change you had to grow accustomed to, occasionally changed to
something in-between, a double sound of RATTLE-RATTLE. How
was that? Had the retail price been reduced? Well,
obviously, the machine liked the 5 Pfennig coins as little
as I did, therefore using them as change, two nasty coins of
5 Pfennig each.

Well, revenge was due. Some weeks ago, I appeared in front
of my machine, equipped with 18 coins of 5 Pfennig each
(which, incidently, makes 90 Pfennig), inserted these, an got
my bottle: with the tumbling noise, a shock at landing
nearly breaking the bottle , the contents nicely stirred up,
the phyttt noise when opening the bottle, the clatter of the
lid falling to somewhere inside the machine, and then,
admittedly not unexpectedly, no change.

Why all this was kind of forgotten after I recently returned
from holiday, I went to my machine again, inserted one
coin of one Mark, got my wont procedure with all that
rhythm, the tumbling noise, a shock at landing nearly
breaking the bottle, the contents nicely stirred up, the
phyttt noise when opening the bottle, the clatter of the lid
falling to somewhere inside the machine, and then, after
nearly having left the site (because I didn't stop being in
pensive mood), a double sound of RATTLE-RATTLE. I knew at
once: The retail price had no been reduced! The machine
still liked the 5 Pfennig coins as little as I did,
therefore used them as change. Two nasty coins of 5 Pfennig
each.

I`m gona have you in this time, I thought, and ran the
following trick, hoping to get my be-hated 5 Pfennig-coins
converted into one 10 Pfennig coin: I inserted one 5 Pfennig-
Coin, then one 1-Mark-coin, then the second 5-Pfennig-coin,
And then immediately pushed the coin return lever. What
now happened was a mixture of the joy of a gambler, at the
beginning, and the deep insight in the vanity of all
activities of man, at the end: It went RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE-
RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE, an almost un-
countable number of promising RATTLES, but then, a new sound, a series
of strangely hollow, dry sounds of CLONK-CLONK-CLONK-CLONK-
CLONK-CLONK-CLONK. I found out that the machine had given
me back but 10 coins of 5 Pfennig each, then given up. My
loss thus 60 Pfennig. But, honestly, I liked the experience!

JJ 1999-04-20